Dating outfits and their perils

10 Dec 2017

I was wondering if my last date’s friskiness was at all related to the safety pin breaking in my top and me flashing a bit of boob. And it got me thinking about dating outfits and their perils.

A couple of months ago I wore a new dress out on a date. Looked great in the dressing room but failed the basic ‘walking without riding up and nearly flashing knickers’ test, as a man at bus stop pointed out. Gah.

Personally I’m always compromising myself with my footwear. Quite often on a date we’ll end up doing something vaguely active and competitive, like ping pong or table football. Usually at my instigation. But that does present certain limitations if wearing heels. Lunging for a ball in ping pong, for example, is a nightmare in stilettos. And I discovered it’s impossible to take a corner at speed wearing wedges.

There’s also the top half to consider. What looks like a sexy flash of cleavage whilst upright at the bar, when bending over a pool table potting a ball, looks like you’ve basically unbuttoned your top to the naval and screamed ‘hello boys!’.

Short skirts are also a liability. They’re a nightmare to look ladylike in. Getting in and out of cabs or clambering over a bench in a trendy bar almost guarantees a knicker flash.

And don’t get me started on tights. A ladder is not a stairway to heaven, it kills any attempt to be sophisticated. It makes any girl look like she’s been dragged through a hedge.

Jumpers you would think, are safe territory. But once I did remarkably well at a speed dating night and got nearly every guy’s number, only to realise in the loos later that my new black jumper was almost entirely see through. (Note to self – worth wearing again then).

So you see dating outfits are fraught with danger, with the smallest slip up potentially resulting in you unveiling more than you bargained for. Which can be half the fun I guess. I suppose then the perfect dating outfit doesn’t exist. It’s just down to how much you dare to bare when bending over.