What your dating pics say about you

12 Nov 2017

I’m away this week so I thought I’d share some thoughts on dating profile pics and what they say about you. Do you recognise any of these?

The holiday snap
These are everyone’s best holiday pics, with people sucking their bellies in, posing under picturesque waterfalls in their smalls, or frolicking on the beach with a carefully crafted ‘look at me I’m bronzed god/goddess’ glance. (Most of these are from 10 years ago before we all got wrinkles).

The hot friend
These pics say: ‘Look I have hot friends and if you look closely you’ll see that some of their hotness rubs off on me.’ The problem with this is that we inevitably wonder ‘ooo is the hot friend single too’?

The body part
What is it with dick pictures? Every time one springs into view on my screen i seem to be drinking a hot drink and gah! spray the nearest person with tea as I snort with amused disgust. I guess these guys are just trying to get laid. Some guys don’t go the whole hog and just show themselves with their shirts off at the gym or in the mirror at home. These guys also want to get laid. But maybe not as much as dick pic guy. Dick pic guy really goes all out to sell himself. I’ve seen photographs of his prized appendage next to various random items to give a bit of perspective – a Coke can, a sweet corn (!) and an aubergine (bad idea buddy. You’re never going to look good next to an aubergine).

Posing with your mum
There’s this new trend of posing with your mum or grandmother. It’s mainly guys doing it. I quite like it because you can clearly see when a guy really loves his Mum and vice versa and when she’s being used as some kind of involuntary wing woman. When it’s authentic it’s actually very endearing.

Posing with animals
There’s two kinds of posing with animals. The first is playing with cute animals like puppies. I once came across a picture of a hot guy with his shirt off ‘asleep’ in bed curled around a sleeping kitten. I thought ‘c’mon, that looks so staged!’ but I knew it would be capnip for single ladies who would all want to jump in there with him. (He did look very cute).

The second is a posing with drugged animals like lions and tigers. They’re probably thinking they look really cool but what they’re really saying is ‘I had my brain removed at birth’. You might have guessed I’m not a fan….

Being sporty
A bit like the holiday snap the sporty snap often shows people in not many clothes leaping around, running marathons or wind-surfing looking hot. I’m really sporty but you’ll never see any pictures of me doing sport. That’s because I go the colour of a baboon’s arse at the tiniest expenditure of effort. It’s not a good look. Good luck to you trying to actually play sport and look hot.

Did they ring a bell? Even if you’re happily hooked up, some of these still crop up a lot on Facebook! (thankfully not the dick pictures).

Show offs v limelight dodgers

04 Nov 2017

So…. Remind me not to go on a date after a seriously stressful few days of trying to remortgage/ update my lease/ manage air bnb bookings/ book a group trip away for my birthday. I was wired. My chaotic lifestyle was entirely opposed to my date’s ‘how do I get through life with the least amount of effort possible. Which is commendable. It’s just not my way. I went to the date turbo charged with the adrenaline needed to survive an ambush and talked like I’d done enough red bull to kill a horse.

I knew then it wasn’t going to work. He was as laid back as a stoned sloth and I need someone who likes a challenge. I also didn’t fancy him.

(I didn’t think he fancied me either but he went to kiss me on the mouth at the end of the night but l’d already turned my cheek! Super awkward!)!

It occurred to me that I have no clue what kind of guy me and other turbo charged woman should go for. Ambition, confidence and energy draw us in but would they make a good boyfriend? Would someone laid back and less willing to hog the limelight be better and be a good foil? And would they want to be with someone like us or would they just prefer other laid back women?

Lots of friends have extolled the virtues of the limelight dodger or quieter man. Limelight dodger, (or Beta man) is apparently very trustworthy and more in touch with his emotions. He’s also a giver. He puts the needs of others first in life.

I can’t help but be drawn to big show offs. But it might be time I ditch Alpha men and give their more measured side-kicks a go.

I’ll let you know how I get on..